I wrote about bra shopping last July.

I just went again this past weekend and have determined without a doubt that bra shopping for the buxom is actually used as a torture for the damned.

Seriously.

I went to a “intimate apparel” store, figuring that being size challenged it would be a better option and their website suggested that they did, in deed, have sizes for someone built like me (that would be a 36 G cup at a minimum).

Here’s the thing: bras should fit in a particular way, and mine don’t. I figured it was an improper size thing. I have one, and only one that fits the way it “should”. The rest vary in fit, from the acceptable to the “I can’t wear this in public’. So I take the advice of the folks at Bravissimo (why are they only in London???) and go and try on a whole bunch of bras.

I arrive at said store and the clerk, who unfortunately reminds me of a family friend, offers to measure me, and I politely refuse. I’ve done it myself, and frankly it has everything to do with tailoring (not unlike all women’s clothes) and very little to do with the labelled size. She follows me around, calling me “dear” and picking out bras for me in the desired size range. So I take 6 bras and try them all on, it the first changing room (which the lady points out has “plenty of room”, um…what?) and am not happy with any of them. The horrible lighting didn’t help the situation: you’d think that a store that specializes in selling lingerie would choose better lighting for their dressing rooms, wouldn’t you?

So I leave them on the counter and pick up the next cup size up for two styles (including, horror of horrors, and H cup). One fits acceptably, and I figure I can get Tattooed Dad to help me fuss with it. The clerk, meanwhile, has come to the door for the third time, and offers to “fit me” because, clearly, “I’m not doing very well by myself”. Um, what? Truthfully, I’d rather die than stand shirtless in front of this skinny vaguely terrifying woman and let her pull and prod me into a bra.

The upshot was that I bought a $70 bra that I was okay with. I got home and TD looked at me in it and said “it’s crooked”: I go to adjust it and he says “no, the BRA is crooked”. He was right, one cup was significantly off center. So I’ll be returning it.

All was not lost, though: I did find another bra at another store that I was pretty happy with.

It’s an H cup.

I’m doomed.